No Tears Left to Cry – Eric A – Orlando

 I am not really sure if this is my story or the story of all the people who were in my life that I harmed with NO MORE TEARS TO CRY. To say I was a no good son of a B_ _ _ _ would be a gross understatement. I alienated everyone who ever came in contact with me and I could care less until I heard my mother say I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING OR ANYONE ON EARTH, BUT PLEASE GO SOME PLACE ELSE TO DIE. I guess I had not realized how mean and hurtful I was to people when I had drugs and alcohol in my system. I had what I considered a normal upbringing with the usual – don’t do this and don’t do that rules for kids. However, when I went to high school, it seemed like a total metamorphosis – a change that would lead me down a path of self-destruction. I never completed high school. I was thrown out for a variety of school infractions which included fighting with students and teachers. I left high school and began drinking on a daily basis. Along with getting sick on a regular basis, I also got arrested on a regular basis. A suggestion from one judge was that I should join the military before I wound up in jail for the rest of my life. I joined the army, and almost as if it was ordained, I was arrested for fighting and I was thereby dishonorably discharged. I came back to my hometown and picked up where I left off. I continued drinking, getting arrested and getting sick. I got married to a woman who was 12 years older than me who drank just as much as I did and did not back down from fights. Well, it wasn’t long before we would be writing each other from our jail cells. I forgot to mention that all this took place while I lived with my mother. When I could no longer afford drugs I started drinking 24/7. I also started getting sick every day, and then I started getting hospitalized on a regular basis. My mother stopped me one day and asked what if anything she could do to help me, and I said to just leave me alone. I am fine. My younger brother one night told me that our Mom waited up every night for me to come in so she would know that I was safe. He said many a night he saw her sitting by the window crying and praying for God to keep me safe. I confronted my mother the next day and told her that God hates me and that I hate Him. That was the day my mother told me to go someplace else to die. I left the house and after two days of living on the streets, I decided to seek help. I went to a detox and was offered a scholarship to a long-term program. I fought my demons tooth-and-nail for six months until I heard a speaker from AA say SURRENDER TO THE RECOVERY, NOT THE DISEASE. I have been sober ever since that day and will be celebrating my 17th year of being HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE, and I owe it to that lovely lady who threw me out of her house and told me to return to GOD’s BOSOM