At the end, I felt like an alien. I had fallen apart, and no one knew how to fix me, least of all me. I was drinking almost around the clock. I was no longer able to keep a job or pay rent. When I was a kid, they said I had “promise” which, instead of making me feel good made me feel bad because I had no idea what that meant or how to live up to it. All my life I remember feeling alone. I was an only child. No other children lived close by. I spent most of my time in the world inside my head. When I went off to school, I was shy and didn’t know how to make or have friends. I felt like I didn’t fit in, that there had to be something wrong with me but I didn’t know what it was. So I acted like I knew what I was doing. I watched and imitated other girls who seemed to know what to do. On the outside I was a fraud, an actress, and I felt like one. I convinced myself that I didn’t really want to be like “them” anyway since I felt that I couldn’t measure up. I became rebellious. Then one night I was given a drink of brandy at a small party. I had several more. I felt like I’d fallen into the pearly gates of heaven and never wanted to leave. I was not shy. I could talk easily. I was funny. The night was like a warm fuzzy blanket. I was a part of. People liked me and smiled at me. I had found the answer to my life. Of course, I had found fool’s gold. My drinking cost me relationships, jobs, the trust of my family and my self-respect. When I got to the point that all I cared about was the next drink, I was a mere shell of what could have been a human being. Sobriety has allowed me to become free of alcohol and bloom into the person I was meant to be. The people who helped me and the act of working the Steps gave me the courage to hope, something I had been too scared to do. Now that I’ve been sober a number of years, I no longer feel alone or useless. I have friends. I am connected to my family, AA, and to the larger community. I give back what so freely was given to me. The promises have come true. I am now, most of the time, able to be happy, joyous and free and appreciate the gifts, both small and large, of each day. Norma S