When I first came into the program, I heard the slogan, “Do the next right thing”. Of course, it didn’t mean anything to me then, nor did it for several months afterwards. I had no concept of what the next right thing might be and hearing someone say “just make your bed” sounded totally ridiculous. Now, however, after over four decades sober, that slogan has become a daily mental reset button. Most of the time, I use it several times throughout the day. On to telling myself stories which I compare to a virus trashing my emotional and mental hard drive, only I create this virus myself, no clicking on an infected email required. So something happens – maybe Angelica doesn’t smile and say hi to me at the morning meeting which is something she always does. My antennae pop up with questions: what’s wrong with her; is she mad at me; did I say something wrong; maybe Beth told her that I’d said I didn’t like her new hairdo and on and on I go. If I follow this thread, I can come up with this story – entirely my internal creation. Angelica is angry because of what I said yesterday about her hair. And she’d told me that she and Jim weren’t getting along so I think he left her, poor thing, and now she has no place to live and what can I do to do help? But why should I help her when she’s mad at me and is ignoring me. I’m no patsy. I’ll just ignore her for the rest of the meeting. Segue to the next step which is the real killer for me. I react, not to the event happening, (Angelica doesn’t smile and say hi), but to the story I’ve made up in my own head, and I believe my own story. Of course, Angelica may just have a toothache or any number of other reasons why she didn’t say hi that have nothing at all to do with me. This is irrational and a major source of chaos. It took me years of going to meetings and listening to realize that I was doing this on a regular basis. As usual, it’s progress not perfection.
by C.O. – Orlando