Wishing — This Alcoholic Learns Praying Trumps Wishing — Eric A., Orlando

As I lay here and toss about, ever so lost without booze, I keep wishing that I could go to a ball game and hoist one up with the guys. I wish I could go to a bar and watch a track meet and drink to the Americans winning the 4×100 relay race. I wish I could go to the Super Bowl and drink to keep warm. I wish I could go to a family gathering and drink to keep my cool. I wish I could go to a party and not throw up all over the place. The reality, not the wishes, is that I remember getting thrown out of the last bar in the neighborhood for starting a fight over a football game. I remember going to a track meet and getting so sick I missed the 4×100 race. I remember going to a baseball game and missing my chance to catch a foul ball because I was so drunk I tripped over one of the empty seats. I remember going to the Super Bowl and missing the last quarter because I passed out. I remember the family saying, “Please, if you come, promise not to drink.” I know now that praying trumps wishing, so today I pray for serenity, for patience to be tolerant of others, to continue to live in the now, not in the what if’s. I attend meetings to dispel sick thoughts about the glory days of drinking because there were no glory days, not even in the beginning. Today I pray for peace in the world, for the strength to carry the message to others who need this program. I pray that I might meet someone who will love me for who I am, not who I wish I could be. I pray that GOD’S guiding light will continue to shine on me, and that I remain worthy of his grace.